1 Graunt, Please!
by RegularFalls8026
Summary: Mabel and Dipper love their life in Gravity Falls. They love Grunkle Stan, they love their friends, and they love the town. There's only one thing that could make their life any better. A Great Aunt. A Graunt.
1. Chapter 1

It was a rainy day in Gravity Falls. Rain drops came from the grey sky like knives, making exceptionally loud _pop_ sounds as they hit the sidewalk. Shoes squished against the soggy ground, disgusting the owner of the shoes. It was indeed a rainy day_

But not for Stanford Pines.

Stan walked with a small hop in his step, a big goofy smile plastered across his usually gruff face. His fez was crooked (which normally drove him crazy), but right now, he couldn't care less. He waved to anyone who passed by, even if he had an intense hate for that person.

To him, the rain didn't even exist. Yes, he could feel the droplets of water leaving wet spots on his black jacket. Yes, he felt the water on the walkway soaking through his shoes. And yes, he realized that there were those irritating little water drops on his lenses. But he couldn't care less about any of those things at the moment.

Stan wasn't used to feeling this happy. He was entirely used to feeling like a grumpy old man who lazed around all day, not even having the decency to put on a pair of pants. This happy feeling was new to him, and he wasn't completely sure on how deal with it. But he would figure it out. Because whatever this feeling was supposed to be_ he loved it.

His ugly brown shoes squashed in the muddy path to the Mystery Shack. As he neared the door, his excitement grew. He couldn't wait to tell the kids. He plodded up the creaky steps until he finally reached the door. He broadened his yellow-tinted smile as he tapped three times on the door.

His niece immediately opened the door. "Grunkle Stan! Finally, we missed you!" Mabel exclaimed. "Where have you been?"

He chuckled. "Well, uh…that's actually what I wanted to talk to you and Dipper about," he said.

"DIPPER! GRUNKLE STAN HAS_ wait, is it good or bad news?"

"Good. Very good."

"_ GOOD NEWS! COME ON DOWN!"

Dipper plodded down the rickety stairs, 3 tucked under his arm. He straightened his hat as he hopped off the last stair. "What's the big news, Grunkle Stan?" he asked. He tried to sound excited, but his exasperation about his reading being interrupted blocked a little of that.

Their great uncle smiled down at them. "Kids_ I got a date tonight!" he exclaimed. "Yessiree-bob. Your uncle is a suave man." He brushed his shoulder in a way that said 'you can glorify me now.'

Mabel squealed. "OH MY GOSH! GRUNKLE STAN, THAT'S SO EXCITING AND AWESOME! WHAT TIME?" she asked excitedly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses, kid," he said, grinning. "But in answer to your question_ the date is at 8:00. Me and my _date__" he emphasized the word "_will be seeing a movie."

"And just who might this _date_ be?" Dipper asked.

Stan's smile got so wide, it made his cheeks sore. "Lazy Susan!" he said, sounding much too proud to have a date with that woman.

Mabel immediately began jumping up and down and all around, squealing about she planned to be his personal hair dresser, and his outfit-picker, and his cologne sprayer, and his glasses-polisher, and just how handsome she was going to make him look in general. Dipper, on the other hand, wasn't so sure. Lazy Susan could be nice, but most people were sure something was wrong with her. Not that she acted completely insane. But sometimes, she could be a bit…strange.

"Wait. Did she ask you out? Or did you ask her out?" Dipper asked.

"I asked her out! I don't know what happened, I just felt_ brave all of a sudden. And then I did it! I asked her out, and she said yes!" Stan whooped.

Mabel stopped bouncing, and she placed her hands on her knees as she panted. "Whoo! Being excited sure takes a lot of energy!" she panted. "What time is it, Grunkle Stan?"

He used the opposite hand to push up his sleeve a few inches. He looked at his gold watch (the one that the twins had given him for "Great Uncles' Day") and squinted his eyes to see clearer. "Well, it's only_" he gasped. "_ 7:00?! I'm going to be late!"

Mabel squealed again, in a frequency only dogs should hear. She pulled her favorite artist hat from her art box underneath the coffee table. "Monsieur Pines," she said in a fake French accent "I am going to make you_ _a masterpiece_."


	2. Chapter 2

When Stan stepped into his niece's overly large closet, he was overwhelmed with the scent of perfume and the sparkling of glitter. Bright, colorful sweaters hurt his eyes, as there were hundreds of them (though it looked like thousands). In the back, Mabel had set up a special little makeup station just for him. There was a makeup table with a mirror, and a tall comfy red chair. Next to the station was a full body mirror, and a rack decked in men's dress clothes for him to try.

"OK, Grunkle Stan. Hop up in that chair, and I am going to make you_" she waved her hands like a rainbow "_ FABULOUS."

He rolled his eyes. "Fabulous isn't exactly what I'm going for, Mabel. I'm looking for_ handsome. I want Susan to absolutely swooning over me. Not that that'll be hard to do," he said, patting himself on the shoulder.

Mabel giggled and grabbed his chubby hand with her little girly fingers, pulling him toward the chair. "C'mon, sit! We only have 40 more minutes!" she urged.

He plopped down in the chair, and it gave a loud moan as he relaxed. Mabel stepped up onto a creaky stepping stool, almost losing her balance on the third step. "Whoa, hahaha! OK, let's start with these pesky nose hairs."

She popped open a small box. Inside was a pair of tweezers, a razor, and an electric shaver. The label on the case read 'HAIR-O-MATIC 2000'. Stan raised an eyebrow. "Where'd you get this garbage?" he asked. He didn't remember buying one of these.

"I ordered it from TV. That Bobbi Renzobbi guy sells some really cool stuff!" she said.

"Oh yeah? Who's money did you use?"

She waved it off. "That's not important. OK, clench those flabby old man fists. This is gonna smart." She picked up the tweezers and brought them to his face. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the cold metal slide up his nose…and a few seconds later_

PLUCK! Out came a long, grey nose hair.

"OW! Son of a_" He stopped himself before the words came out, but with great difficulty. He knew how uncomfortable Mabel got when he used dirty language.

"Geez, sorry! I told you it was going to smart!" she said. "And you better get used to it, because we've got quite a bit more to go!"

"Aw, come on!"

"OK. 1…2…3!"

"OW!"

"1…2…3!"

"OW!"

This went on for quite some time, and he was greatly relieved when he saw Mabel wiping off the tweezers. "OK, we're all done with that." She pulled out the electric shaver. "Now let's shave that pretty old man face!"

He was sweating now. He smiled nervously. "Uh…listen, baby girl. Why don't we let Wendy do this one? She shaves her legs and armpits_ maybe even her boyfriend's face, not sure. She probably does this a little better that you can. How about it, sweetie?" he offered.

She frowned. "How come? Don't you think I can do it?"

"Oh, yeah! Of course, baby cakes! It's just that…" He really didn't think she could. But he couldn't say that, could he? That would crush her self- esteem or whatever_ he didn't really understand girls. "Wendy has done it more, and she's probably better at it. That's all."

Mabel shrugged. "OK. I'll go get her." She sat the shaver down and ran downstairs to gather Wendy. Stan sighed. "Oh boy. Now I get TWO teenage girls working on my face."

A few seconds later, Mabel entered, dragging Wendy behind her. "Mabel, for the last time, I do NOT want to shave Stan's face!" Wendy whined.

Mabel put her hands on her hips. "Why not? I'll bet you shave Robbie's all the time."

"Yeah, but he's my boyfriend. That's WAY different."

"Please, Wendy!"

Wendy hesitated. She then scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You owe me BIG time," she snapped. She strode over and reluctantly picked up the shaver. Just as she was about to switch it on, the doorbell rang.

"Whoops! Looks like your nose plucking job took a little longer than we thought! Time to go!" Mabel said, helping her great uncle out of her special chair. "Hopefully Susan thinks stubble is sexy. I know I do!"


End file.
